Lessons of 2020

Of course none of us thought this would be a year in which we would designate a favorite face mask or buy an extra pack of toilet paper “just in case”, but those were the cards we were dealt. In an effort to avoid all of the cliché content about what a year this has been, I wanted to share this post with you all about what I have learned in 2020. Regardless of the type of year we have had, I am still really proud of myself for learning and growing in unexpected ways this year. So to start, I’ll share an (abbreviated) list of some events that happened this year…

• Jonathan lost his last two remaining grandparents (one in January and one in December)
• My family put down our dog of almost 10 years
• I was laid off in March due to covid
• We had two separate incidents of water damage in our apartment resulting in a ruined laptop and couch
• We witnessed and took part in many racial justice protests that occurred right outside our front door
• I started having anxiety attacks and began to see a psychiatrist as a result
• For the first time in 28 years I didn’t get to see my family for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and numerous family events throughout the holidays. 

Now I know all of this seems gloom and doom, but there is also a list of some good things that happened this year…

• We welcomed my nephew into the world in August
• Jonathan and I consistently studied Italian language daily for an extended period of time
• I knit a garment from scratch
• Jonathan and I made many new recipes and perfected our go-to cocktail, the negroni
• We upgraded our apartment in many ways, including creating a small outdoor seating area on our Juliette balcony
• I began working for a local company in October which turned out to be one of the best moments of the year when the store owner helped me to host several popups to sell floral arrangements
• I finally started this blog! 

These lists don’t cover half of it but hopefully you got a good idea of how our year has gone. Obviously when this year began, I didn’t expect any of these events to occur. But, just as the entire world did, we adapted and I truly believe we are better because of it. 

scenes from 2020

Here are some of my top lessons from 2020:

Priorities
Throughout this year I have had personal highs and personal lows. I would go from feeling like I was thriving and living my best life, to sad and depressed about any given thing in a matter of hours. As a result I tried my hardest to give myself grace and ease while navigating these uncharted territories. I learned that it is okay not to hold myself to the highest of standards which, believe me, was not an easy lesson to learn and came with it’s own set of struggles. I feel more in tune than ever with my limitations and needs, mentally and physically, therefore I act in ways in which I prioritize myself. I have not mastered this by any stretch of the imagination but I am proud of myself for being on this journey and working towards a more balanced life in which I care for myself in addition to others. 

Asking for help
I have always been lucky to have an amazing support system in my family and small group of friends, but I am more thankful for them in this season of life than ever before. I learned that it is okay to root down and find strength in those around you instead of relying on yourself for this. As long as I can remember, I have been a very independent person who tends to find joy in accomplishing things or conquering challenges on her own. I think the weight of this year has proven to me that I cannot do it all and asking for help is okay. Life is hard. This year has been tough. But it all sucks a lot less if you let your loved ones in to comfort and help you along the way. 

“We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own to do lists”

– My favorite person, michelle obama

Enjoyment
After being laid off in March, I had a lot of time on my hands. I went through phases where I felt useless so I found myself trying to seek enjoyment out of the mundane. This resulted in trying tons of new recipes, going for walks and runs around our city, working on various craft projects, and creating spaces in our apartment that I love day in and day out. I went through a serious phase of nesting (which i’m not even sure is over yet) and enjoyed spending time at home. I have always loved being at home but the forced nature of having to be home made this difficult. So taking the time to focus on the things I love most helped me to cope with feeling trapped at home. Plus, focusing on the things I enjoy doing most during this time led to the launch of this blog and for that, I am incredibly grateful!

Resentment
This is a tough one for me. I have had so many moments in this year where I resent the situation I am in or I resent the conversations I am forced to have. I do not enjoy feeling anxious and fearful of contracting a virus and whatever that may entail. I do not enjoy having to have constant conversations regarding such gloomy topics or being reminded daily of the death count from this year. I did not enjoy hearing Reopen NC protests from our apartment and feeling as though there was no escape. This very easily led to feelings of resentment that would resonate in my head far beyond the actual event that took place. While this is still a lesson I am learning, I have found my own ways of coping. I have been more vocal about my boundaries and needs to help maintain a certain level of sanity. I am still on this journey, but it has begun this year and I will be sure to carry it into the new year. I hope to continually find ways to shift the narrative inside my head as to avoid such feelings of resentment and anger.

So with that, I hope you have all found some peace and growth in this whacky year we have had. I wish you health, happiness, and continued growth in the coming year.

cheers

Lily